TND CLASSIC - THE BEGINNING 2005

When I started The Natural Dom blog in 2005 it was in response to a submissive named "Squishy" who came to me through Craigslist. Below is one of the very first posts called "Why I Chose Him", complete with Editor's Notes...enjoy:

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(EDITOR'S NOTES - 11/24/05 - The majority of the material in the original post called "Why I Chose Him" came from the e-mails Squishy received after posting for a Dom on Craigslist. While the original complete post is up on her blog, I was not a party to those e-mails and have cut them out completely. This has the unfortunate effect of gutting the post. I have made follow-up comments, but it doesn't do the original post justice. So dear reader you will see only the e-mail from me to her and her comments about why she chose me as her first Dominant. Apologies.)



(Originally posted by Squishy - The Unlikely Submissive on The Unlikely Sub blog)

I am sure He is as curious as those who read why I chose Him in the first place. It was an easy and difficult choice. Easy in that some of the men who replied to my ad were as dismissable as forgetting to take out the teash. They were inexpereienced, or violent, more than a little off, or didn't meet even one of the simple criteria I set.

Difficult in that the ones that were experienced knew what they were talking about and how to handle 1. someone new to the lifestyle and 2. someone who was admittedly nervous. All while selling themselves to me. It was amazing how this simple ad could garner replies from people with so little reading comprehension.

"Have to say, I'm more than a little apprehensive about this post.

I'm looking for an experienced Dominant male to introduce me to the Dominant/ submissive lifestyle. Naturally, I'm not into pain, but I am very curious about how it works and what it is like.

The message would be longer, but I really have no idea what it all entails. I have photos to exchange. Can't wait to hear from you. Please, no married men."

With this simple two paragraph posting, I was deluged with around 50-55 replies. They can all be categorized into the horribly trite (but appropriate) THE GOOD, THE BAD and THE UGLY. I will start first with the Doms that I met. There were three, one was a little too geek, one was a bit effeminate and the third was Sir.

Doms I Met:

[The medieval geek] - EDITOR'S NOTE - E-MAIL DELETED AS THIRD PARTY COMMUNICATION

His was the first reply that was of any normal nature so we arranged a meeting that went well, and oddly enough he was a psychologist. He was pleasant but became quickly overbearing and I needed to end that acquaintance.

[the effeminate] EDITOR'S NOTE - E-MAIL DELETED AS THIRD PARTY COMMUNICATION

We met at a bar near where I worked and had a had a nice conversation, but nothing clicked.


[Sir's post] EDITOR'S NOTE - This is the original e-mail I sent Squishy:

Saw your posting on CL tonight from earlier in the week. I usually write a very detailed response, but don't have many details on you to compare yet, so here's my background:


ME: A learned practitioner of Rope Bondage and Artistic Bondage, KINBAKUSHI (Japanese Bondage Master) of 3 previous Submissives. I can introduce you to the arts at a variety of levels from beginner to expert, both sexual and non-sexual. World traveler with first hand experience in East Asian, Eastern European and Latin American styles of D/s BDSM and private role playing. Well traveled, well educated, 6' 3" single, storng but controlled. I can help you explore your submissive side, even if it doesn't involve bondage. There are many levels of submissiveness and right up to the point where we begin role playing YOU are the one in charge. Not being into pain is actually a good thing for most submissives, because you find many more creative ways to seek pleasure and release.


YOU: Submissive with no fear, a good sense of what this lifestyle is really all about, or a beginner who is open minded enough not to miss the opportunity to learn the REAL art of submissiveness, perhaps open to experimenting with rope bondage and artistic bondage using fabrics, ropes, ribbons, leather, textures that tease the skin and even body paint for a complete human submissive work of art. Must appreciate the idea that your body will become my canvas on the way to your explosive release, while serving my needs as your Kinbakushi.


I'm a professional living in ********/work in **********. I'd enjoy helping you to explore that side of your life. I prefer someone with a sense of what they want and a high level of intelligence.


Safe words, sane play and privacy are absolutely respected. Look forward to hearing from you. Send me a few photos and I'd be more than happy to do the same. I have a flexible work schedule, so if you'd like to meet privately to talk about this before proceeding I'd be more than happy to have a discreet conversation over coffee or lunch. My treat as always.


-end-


What I liked, and was looking for, was the extensive experience in rope bondage. I liked the artistic aspect (as you see in the photos we post) as well as the geometric and steady patterns of the rope marks left on my skin. Though I have to say that circulation has been a problem with me. I don't know how common that is. He can tie me loosely and I will still lose feeling in my hands if they are laid a certain way. It's very frustrating for me.

(EDITOR'S NOTES - The remaining e-mails have been deleted as I noted above. They included some interesting concepts and straight out lies, misconceptions, and infantile spelling and grammatical mistakes. I have run into a few of these "pretenders" on Craigslist who seem to pop up whenever a woman is troubled by a questionable e-mail and asks me to review the content for safety's sake. There were a number of very good e-mails that just didn't click with what Squishy was looking for and I have always felt fortunate that she chose me over the other 50-60 respondents.)

A TND SALON CLASSIC on FORCED ORGASMS AND MORE

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A TND CLASSIC from 2006

Published on the original Natural Dom blog in February 2006:



The tone of the evening with Puddles, Bondage Girl and myself was set when I reached up under Puddles' short denim skirt at dinner and ripped her panties off. It was a pussy chilling 20 degrees outside and I fully expected to see girl-cum-cicles hanging from her labia when we left the restaurant and scooted to the car in the frigid night. There was nothing frigid about my two subbies last night. As a matter of fact, when the waitress asked if we wanted desert, I told her with a straight face that we were already planning on sharing something between us later that evening. This elicited a rosey blush from the cheeks of Bondage Girl who buried her face in her drink and tried to hide a huge grin. Puddles was off in subbie-land somewhere as my hands rested snuggly between her pantiless legs under the table.


Just a word here about the afternoon Puddles and I spend together before meeting up with Bondage Girl. We went to see Elizabeth at Night Dreams in Bethesda to have Puddles measured for the corset she has now earned. Once again, Elizabeth -- a "kept submissive" herself -- and a remarkably knowledgeable and sensual older redhead who makes Puddles feel very comfortable, came thru with a few items that would take Puddles to the next level in her submissiveness. Puddles bought a version of the classic BDSM book "The Story of O". She had wanted to read it for a while and so I approved of the gift for my subbie. Elizabeth also showed us a heavy set of nipple clamps with a well weighted chain between them. I tested their strength on the side of own hand before testing them on Puddles. She said she thought she could handle the weight, so we added that to the bag, along with 6 meters of black 8-braid Japanese silk bondage rope. "Bondage rope at Night Dreams?" you say!?!?! Yes, my dearest readers. Bondage rope at Night Dreams!

Elizabeth has done some remarkable things in the 3 weeks since she has taken over as the manager at Night Dreams. Nothing against my friend Ted, but the addition of the custom made corsets, real silk bondage rope, and the upcoming addition of some great riding crops, rattan canes and other "weapons of ass destruction", is putting Bethesda's Night Dreams in a league well above Pleasure Palace and the handful of other outlets that cater to the D/s and BDSM scene-sters. I think we have found a comfort zone for Puddles there as well, since Elizabeth and her staff have extended some additional courtesies to us that I appreciate and know Puds does as well.

As you may know Puddles and I have been looking at properties around the Washington, DC area, homes, townhouses, condos, whatever strikes our fancy as a nice place to live together after her graduation from college in May. As we left Night Dreams we looked across the street and saw the emblem of a property management company both Puddles & I have dealt with in the past. It seems there are brand new luxury...and I mean beautifully upscale, safe, stylish, modern luxury...apartment homes that fit exactly what we've been looking for. We stopped in and had a chat with the property manager, and also checked out the units next door in the newest building. I've never seen Puddles so excited about something in our real life adventures outside the D/s BDSM life we lead here. Her little subbie mind was churning about all the possibilities of outfitting the additional den or bedrooms to accommodate our friends who want a private place to play. She is never selfish with her efforts, her time or her graciousness when we host another play partner either.

...still to come Bondage Girl becomes the sweet sticky filling in a D/s desert.

PANTIES? UNDIES?

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YOUNG SUB IN NEED OF A DADDY DOM

36 years younger than her new Daddy Dom... 4' 11" and a beautiful pink pussy all set to please me + perfect breasts for such a small girl. It's been a few years since I've had a black submissive, but this one approached me after reading about previous adventures.

A few sessions already to explore her limits & submissiveness. A challenge for any Dom who has been practicing the art of BDSM for so long is to remove the BDSM aspect from punishment and concentrate on the emotional and mental aspects of being more of a Daddy Dom to the sub.

Public exposure, embarrassment, setting daily tasks to earn rewards or punishments, earning the right to suck my cock -or- earning the relief of allowing her to cum, limiting masturbation yet forcing orgasms, all on the usual laundry list of D/s play but without the "go-to" tools of whipping, spanking, blushers, clamps and all the fun stuff in the TND toy bag.

I like the challenge and so far she has been very receptive to my commands and behavior modification techniques and training. She's earned the weekend of rough sex and wanton playtime with Daddy.

This Friday night she'll have her first full play session with all of her fantasies fulfilled and limits tested...including her top of the list rape fantasy.

TND Q&A - UNDERGRAD THESIS ON BDSM

There are five years of archives from the original TND blog and many of those posts posed interesting questions, inspired sessions & scenes, and gave a much needed outlet to submissives who didn't know where to turn for advice.

This time I turned the tables and reached out to one of my most trusted submissives...sub-named "Nibbles". She was never collared by me but joined us for several play dates, one of which included a night where she spent a good 30 minutes tied to the door of the hotel room while I coaxed her very first orgasm out of her. She actually wrote a college thesis paper on D/s & BDSM play and is one of the more intelligent women I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. Although she is now married with a handsome young son we remain friends.

I asked Nibbles the following point blank question: "Do you think I cared too much for the subbies...maybe getting too deep into some relationships?"

Her answer refined the question down to the basics...eliminating co-dependency and the Giving Tree where someone gives & gives & gives until there is nothing left to give. She said, "I think it's reasonable to have at least some emotional investment in relationships and subbies aren't an exception to that. I'll tell you that from a subbie perspective, it took me a long time to get over my last and I'm not even sure if I'm completely over it either... It takes a long time. These kind of relationships can be rather intense."

To quote from her undergraduate thesis: "Individuals who partake in an alternative sexual lifestyle and practices often face social stigma in various forms. The effects of social stigma on this unique population with a special emphasis on the sadomasochism community will be explored to identify broader ramifications that social stigma brings upon various relationships, employment, health care services, and mental health services."

Continuing by quoting Thomas S. Weinberg, "...the first step in studying sadomasochism is to define what is meant by the term sadomasochism. There seems to be a lack of consensus as to the meaning of sadomasochism. Weinberg notes, “The behaviors and identities within the sadomasochistic subculture are tremendously varied…[definitions] give the behavior a specific contextual meaning” (290). In his research, Weinberg identified five constituents of sadomasochism: dominance and submission, role playing, consensuality, a sexual context, and a mutual definition shared by individuals and/or a group (1984: 379). When all the social constituents previously mentioned are present, the behavior is said to be sadomasochistic. For example, some individuals may partake in behaviors that could be considered to be sadomasochistic in nature, such as bondage, but these individuals do not identify their behaviors as such—and therefore lacking the last social constituent of sadomasochism that Weinberg identified: a mutual definition shared by individuals and/or group."

"For the purpose of this study, sadomasochism will be described as an alternative sexual lifestyle that relies upon a hierarchical power structure within a sexual context and may include pain, role playing, and/or a fetish, such as a fixation with feet or latex as sexual and/or physical stimulation. This definition of sadomasochism integrates certain, if not all, elements from previous definitions of sadomasochism. In this study, a distinction is also made between abuse and sadomasochism with the recognition of sadomasochism as a desired, consensual behavior between individuals who are legally adults."

- It's quite clear from the remainder of her brilliant thesis, as well as from the numerous sources she quoted, that indeed there are "normal" elements of a relationship within the various, often intricate layers of a D/s BDSM partnership, regardless of the level of sadomasochistic play. There are identities that approach BDSM play in a cold disconnected fashion, while others become addicted to the relationship as deeply as they are addicted to sex itself.

Please feel free to comment on this article.

~ TND

SHOCKING, SIMPLY SHOCKING

http://www.fastcolabs.com/3026836/a-world-of-open-source-sex-toys-built-by-three-georgia-tech-students?partner=rss&utm_source=fastcoexist.com&utm_medium=pubexchange

Better living though science...Open Source sex toys built by 3 Georgia Tech Tech Students...click link above for the full story. Who says nerds can't get down & dirty? I dig nerdy chicks!

For a sapiosexual like myself there's noting sexier than a nerd chick who is into BDSM play.

TRUST, HONESTY & OPEN COMMUNICATION

What makes me The Natural Dom?

There were many times in the past when I wrote this blog from 2004 - late 2009 when I adopted an online persona that was egotistical, boisterous, opinionated and yet had a thread of honesty behind every post. There was also the issue of trust, usually at the forefront of every post and at the center of every session, and it became a benchmark for me. And finally the idea of open communication. That meant sharing your wishes, fantasies & desires with your Dom. That meant giving me feedback during the aftercare portion of our sessions. That meant being brutally honest about having another Dom, a boyfriend, a husband, another lover...or telling me when something between us just wasn't working...or in most cases, that you were either scared or just not ready for the BDSM D/s lifestyle that you had fantasized about for so long.

Tonight I am writing about two recent cases in an effort to illustrate why Trust, Honesty and Open Communication are so important to me.

The submissive known as "Squishy"

1) Most recently I had a brief encounter with a submissive who did not tell me she had another Dominant in her life. In her mind she believed that the relationship was over which was why she sought me out online. After two separate nights, one of which was a basic vanilla outing to a quick dinner and a relaxing movie, I got an email from the Dom she had been seeing. I immediately sent her a text telling her about it and that it was her responsibility to take care of the problem. It wasn't so much of a problem for me, because as I have said here many times, I don't compete.

A few nights later, when I thought things had been taken care of and we were aiming to set another weekend session day, I got a call from the other Dominant. My first thought was "How did he get my private celphone number?"...my second immediate thought was expressed directly to him. "Sorry, but this isn't my problem. You need to handle this yourself and don't call me again." hanging up on him and immediately using my real life background to trace the number and get name, address & other information about him as a form of protection in the event things took a turn for the worse with a jealous Dom. I texted the submissive again and told her that this obviously wasn't handled properly and to take care of the issue.

This goes to Trust & Honesty in a number of ways. The primary lie was to me about still having or not having a Dom. In subsequent ads on various sites I have made it clear that there are only four dealbreakers...two of them are that you are married...the other is having another Dominant. In this case the most important issue was Trust...the Dominant had obviously gotten her cellphone, email password and other information and used it to contact me directly. How does that work exactly? Do you not have enough trust in each other to not spy on someone's emails and cellphone texts? That tells me that their relationship isn't as strong as they both believe it is...beyond the fact that she went looking for other satisfaction while still engaged with him. It was also proven less than 10 days later when I saw a repost of a very familiar ad on Craigslist that was indeed her...looking again for a Dom.

There are many stories out there of a particular group of women who are knowingly and openly playing one Dom against another, juggling more than three Doms a week, and generally acting like golddiggers trying to get whatever they can from these guys in a never ending circle of deception, lies and deceit. They do the D/s BDSM community no favors. I have passed on a number of prospective submissives because I see the pattern in their language almost immediately. I may even be hypersensitive to it and pass because there is something not quite right about their email...and again, it does more harm than good for these subs to play the games they are playing.

"Squishy" in position after spanking/before anal

2) Submission isn't about pain. It's truly about training your mind and body to surrender control to a Dominant who is there to protect you, meet your needs and ensure you are safe when practicing very controlled mental & physical acts. If you believe it's about a quick fuck and a spanking...or about a "casual encounter"...or being an FWB...then you don't truly understand the D/s mind or a BDSM relationship. I can offer you a nice night of a good hard spanking and a quick fuck. I can do that virtually every day of the week. But when you come to me under the premise of being a pain slut, having left your current boyfriend because he just isn't satisfying you in a number of ways, and you open the door to intense, detailed conversation about your pain levels, your unending search for a Dom who can actually deliver the levels of pain you've been seeking for years, your hunger for a true sadist who can unleash himself behind closed doors yet uphold a gentlemanly appearance in public...then of course it's going to be a deeper relationship than just a quick fuck and a hand to the ass.

That type of relationship requires the Dominant to explore every aspect of your personality & is rooted in the education of the Dom as to what drives the submissive both inside and out of the sessions. I have been chastised by some for caring too much. Yet when submissives are in a session with me they rave about the aftercare, the intelligence with which I created the scenario and the attention to detail...especially when it came to my memory for the small things that can make a difference. That comes from caring.

It doesn't come from wanting a long term relationship. It doesn't come from wanting a fuck buddy as a "go-to" booty call. It doesn't come from being clingy, desperate or needy. It comes from a true sense of how intricate these D/s & BDSM sessions can be, especially if the driving force behind the submissive's satisfaction is much more mental than physical.

"Squishy" an example of small breast bondage with flat rope

My style of D/s practice is much more intimate than some submissives are used to. I believe it comes from so many so-called Doms not being able to deliver because they are indeed spank 'em & fuck 'em & send 'em home type of guys who have no business calling themselves a capital D dominant. They may have dominant personality traits but they fall short in being able to devote themselves to understanding the female (or male) body and the submissive mind.

Let's talk about the female body. Do you REALLY know the female body in all it's beauty and it's unpleasantness? By example from a recent encounter... Can you handle a female's "monthly friend"? Are you aware of the days when the female has a heavy flow? Cramps? The tenderness their abdomen or vaginal tissue might have during that period? The increased level of horniness just before and just after that period? The long standing feeling of embarrassment the female feels around that time because it's been indoctrinated into their mind that they shouldn't talk about it? ...I don't have a problem with any of that. It's part of a woman's sexuality. If you can't relate to a natural body function what chance do you really have to understand the extraordinary requests she has to be spanked, have her nipples tortured, enact a rape scene, be forced against her will to submit to acts of degradation & humiliation...all part of the multi-layered human experience that Doms & subs need to understand.

So when a submissive says to be that they didn't expect to be offered a dinner out, or a quick text in the middle of the day, or a call to see how they are doing, or any attention beyond the bedroom, I wonder if they would feel the same if the Dominant just satisfied himself left the submissive at the doorstep and didn't contact them again until they needed to get off sexually. It's my knowledge of you that makes you mine. I understand you or can come to understand you through the follow up. I can come to understand you in a way that no one else will. But that doesn't come over a five minute conversation on the sofa before dragging you into the bedroom.

...and finally...

I was going to write about a darling woman who is barely out of her teen years that I have been speaking to for two months. She is 22 years old and a local university student. She is also a virgin. She is a beautiful African American girl from a strict family. And...she is a practicing Muslim. Any man, yet alone a Dominant, would salivate at the thought of being with this beautiful girl...she is under the head scarf and behind those modest clothes, a cum slut who craves to be taken forcefully, orally, vaginally and anally...to the point of perhaps becoming a porn star in the model of Jasmine Byrne (pictured) whom she resembles.

She wants someone to own her...to train her...and take her roughly...but she is scared of the reaction if anyone in her family ever found out. She indeed loves me in the way that she understands love. Her family has already moved her back to her home city. She is as natural a submissive as I am a Dominant. She is the subject of a future column as a case study in sexual frustration driven by cultural limitations.

"The Muslim Sexual Submissive" is coming soon to the TND blog.

The Muslim Sexual Submissive

For now we send you to bed to ponder & reflect in the hope that you'll better understand what makes you and I unique in the world of D/s & BDSM...sleep well peeps, peers & perverts.

~ TND

TND PICTURE OF THE WEEK

SUBMISSIVE QUOTE OF THE DAY

TND ~ "Do you have a rape fantasy?"

Maso ~ "Doesn't every woman?"